Tag Archives: Good girl

Damaging Detour – “Good Girl” Series Post 3

18 Oct
Welcome back to post #3 from the “Good Girl to God’s Girl” series.
Last time I shared my mantra, “Being Right Is Not Who I Am.” 
God had revealed my true condition:  Much of my identity was rooted in myself, in what I did or didn’t do. That’d been my main problem.
Think of it this way. Even within the heart of a true believer, vast detours can take place.
Self-centered living drives the Good Girl.
Christ-centered living drives God’s Girl.
So how could I do the 180 degree turn and shift my thoughts and heart away from self and to my God?
I couldn’t. But God could.

Psalm 51:10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

The first thing I needed to do was pray to God and admit the pride in my heart, and ask for His forgiveness and His renewal.
Here are some personal notes from my journal during that time.
God, you can see my good motives and genuine care for people. But, you can also see my selfishness, the laziness in my approach to you. My desire to be in control and produce immediate results. I believe you created me with special care, giving me abilities to be used for your kingdom. I do not want to lose you in the middle of obedient routines. I believe you can teach me and show me how to be fulfilled and submitted all at the same time. Only you have what I need.
Another key verse became my earnest prayer.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting  Psalm 139: 23 – 24  (NIV).

What might God reveal to you about your own identity? We can always go further, releasing more of us to be filled with more of Him.
Leave a comment, what’s one thing you sense God asking you to let go of to move closer in relationship to Him?

False Identity – Good Girl to God’s Girl Series (#2)

13 Oct
“Have you ever failed?”
The question stopped me. Made me pause.  A coach asked me this question one morning while I was in over-analysis mode about a car purchase. Should I or shouldn’t I? I didn’t want to make a mistake.
A vehicle purchase of all things. This is what I was spending my time discussing.
Measures. The cost. The value. The smart thing to do.
But that question: Have you ever failed? It jolted me. It shifted my perspective. Those words forced me to realize where my identity rested.
Me. What I did. Performance. Being Right.
The answer was yes. I’d recently failed in a business. And I wanted to avoid any type of failure ever again. It stung. It tasted bad. It dented the armour of me.
“I was tired of acting free when I was not, tired of acting strong when I was in fact weak.” That’s a quote from Lisa Bevere’s book Out of Control and Loving It, and it depicts exactly where I lived at the time.
The car discussion was a snapshot of the pressure I put on myself in everyday life.  I had gotten so accustomed to doing the “right” things and living an “obedient” life, that it’d become a false identity for me.
People unintentionally reinforced my performance-based identity. They’d say how efficient, reliable, loyal I was.
Nothing wrong with that, except for what they couldn’t see on the inside.
I was focused on tasks. I didn’t focus on God. I knew right from wrong. I’d invited Jesus into my heart at age nine. I went to church every week. I listened to christian radio.
I also ran my own life within a box of do’s and don’ts.
I didn’t spend precious time satisfying myself in God. I was only satisified by tangible tasks being done. Items crossed off a long list. Bank account balances showing progress. Anything I could measure. Something I could control.
That same day, I developed a mantra. “Being Right Is Not Who I Am.” I repeated it to myself over and over. Especially when I felt the perfectionist rising inside.
It may sound silly, but for a good girl who fell into the trap of always trying to do the right thing, it was groundbreaking. Paradigm shifting. It also created the obvious question: Who am I?
When my coach asked me this, I said, “Just another child of God.”
Lord, forgive me for the word “just.” What a gift that I am yours and that is everything. You are more than enough.
That’s where my journey from good girl to God’s girl really took off.
What are you more hungry for than God? What attaches itself to you, good or bad, as your identity that’s not from God?

Linking up with

Life: Unmasked

Good Girl to God’s Girl – A Keystroke Off

11 Oct
Five years ago, I discovered my life was a keystroke off. 
One little “o.”
I hadn’t noticed at first. Not really. The spell check of life didn’t catch it. Everything made sense. Things appeared in order.
Yet, something was definitely off.
What could it be?
  • Grew up in church
  • Minded the rules
  • Graduated college
  • Got married
  • Stayed in church
  • Had children
  • Worked hard
  • Lived honest
  • Kind to others
  • Paid tithe
  • Good girl
Ahhh….that’s it. One little “o” too many.
It looked okay at first. But that extra keystroke; it changed everything.
Good. God. I’d become Good Girl instead of God’s Girl.
How did it happen?
For the next several weeks, I’ll be sharing my personal experience of too much obedience and not enough relationship. This will include sharing journal entries, scriptures and prayers.
Could you be a keystroke off? Consider these tendencies I found in myself. They’d evolved from an innocent place, but morphed into destructive habits and a false sense of self. 
  • Measurement. Whether it’s a to-do list, a mental check of productivity,  or an inner comparison of self against others, a good girl’s always got to be measuring herself, judging herself.
  • People pleasing. Because performance is everything in a good girl’s life, making people happy is essential. Saying no isn’t even an option. Everyone must be pleased with good girl.
  • Achievement. Since productivity and performance are driving motivations, achievements usually follow the good girl. But, they never bring rest, only pressure to get up and do it all over again.
It’s a vicious cycle. Achievement looks great on the measurement scales. Yet, it resets the bar even higher.
And people? Oh, they always notice achievements, offer compliments. They’re pleased. But, now they expect you to keep it up
See how it all feeds the good girl machine?
There’s certainly nothing wrong with working hard, being kind to others, and having some success in your endeavors. But if those are accompaied by exhaustion, irritability, and frustration (and a fair amount of eye rolling), some editing may be required.
Question:  What warning signs have you learned to recognize in yourself? When do you realize you need to step back and evaluate what’s driving you, motivating you, strengthening you?

Linking up with

Life: Unmasked

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